One.
Was on the train back from Brighton after having had my haircut. Two women - who were strangers to each other - get on at Preston Park. One with a bicycle (Woman B), one with a pram (Woman P). Woman B secures her bike and sits down.
A moment later, Woman P blurts out, "Want a wet one?!"
Wayoooooo!
Wait, what?
All sorts of (sexual) confusion ran through my head as to what on earth Woman P might have meant.
Within a few seconds, to my disappointment, it became apparent that Woman B had got dirty oil on her hands from the bike chain and kind Lady P happened to have some baby wipes - or 'Wet ones' - on her person.
:(
Two.
Was now back from Brighton and in the leisure centre for a swim/chill-out sesh.
Sitting in the sauna with a fat bloke next to me, remaining silent because I can never be bothered to strike up conversation with randoms in this situation.
A woman opens the door and immediately proclaims, "Oh, no, oh err sorry. Sorry."
In my amazing comedic timing, I quickly remark on the situation.
"Hah, don't think she liked the look of you mate!"
Comic genius, eyy?
No. The bloke sighs and mumbles sincerely, "Yeah, I seem to have that effect on women.."
Ohshi. I suddenly realised that my comment might have been appropriate, maybe even funny, if said amongst friends. But it quickly dawned on me that this guy could quite easily kill me, and probably would have if he'd had a couple of pints down him.
Oooops.
I got outta there as quickly as I could!
Three.
Actually, I know I had another gooden, but I've forgotten it and only have 10 mins of my lunch break left. But let me just enlighten you on this one:
You know those people that like to drive slow, yeah? Some of them even have a sticker in the back stating something along the lines of, 'BACK OFF. I'm sticking to the speed limit'. That's fine, I got no beef wiv 'em.
However, too often I find THEY ARE LYING.
I wouldn't care if you stuck to the speed limit. I DO CARE THAT YOU INSIST ON GOING 20mph IN A 30 ZONE! TUT. People like you cause accidents and unnecessary lateness.
1 comments:
I liked story number 2 and it sounds like the guy had a real good sense of humor about it. If I were you, I like to think that I would have said the same thing. And if I were him, I like to think that I would have said the same thing.
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